1.
There was an Englishman, Scottishman and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they were captured by pirates.The captain said to them your getting locked up in dungeons for 50 years, but I'll give you something to go in with.So the English
There was an Englishman, Scottishman and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they were captured by pirates.The captain said to them your getting locked up in dungeons for 50 years, but I'll give you something to go in with.So the English
2.
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said,
“You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a far
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said,
“You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a far
3.
There was once a great actor, who had a problem.
He could no longer remember his lines.
Finally after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says,”This is the most important part, a
There was once a great actor, who had a problem.
He could no longer remember his lines.
Finally after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says,”This is the most important part, a
4.
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.The lawyer replied,“Remember that lousy real estate I bought?Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceedsWhat are you doing here?”The
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.The lawyer replied,“Remember that lousy real estate I bought?Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceedsWhat are you doing here?”The
5.
After a while, One guy looks at the other and says, “I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.”The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”The first guy says, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?”The oth
After a while, One guy looks at the other and says, “I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.”The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”The first guy says, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?”The oth
6.
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror.However, this does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.Then one day, fresh out of the shower, she
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror.However, this does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.Then one day, fresh out of the shower, she
7.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
8.
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problemA few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problemA few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
9.
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She asked him: “Daddy, what is s*x?”
The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question,
then she is old enough to g
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She asked him: “Daddy, what is s*x?”
The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question,
then she is old enough to g
10.
A Neo-Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table.
Barman, he says, “A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there.”
As everyone in the bar receives thei
A Neo-Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table.
Barman, he says, “A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there.”
As everyone in the bar receives thei
11.
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
12.
A Blonde is very upset at people stereotyping blondes, so she organises a blonde convention.
Over 50,000 blondes attend.
The leader stands on a stage and says, “Us blondes have always been misrepresented by the media and we have always been stereoty
A Blonde is very upset at people stereotyping blondes, so she organises a blonde convention.
Over 50,000 blondes attend.
The leader stands on a stage and says, “Us blondes have always been misrepresented by the media and we have always been stereoty
13.
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
14.
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon.When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon.When the school-teacher chided
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon.When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon.When the school-teacher chided
15.
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
“Wo
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
“Wo
16.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
17.
A few decades ago, an American, a Russian, and an Australian were having dinner.
The American says “We are so advanced, we have built airplanes that can go to outer-space.”
The other two ask, “What? Outer-space?”. The American says, “Not exactly, bu
A few decades ago, an American, a Russian, and an Australian were having dinner.
The American says “We are so advanced, we have built airplanes that can go to outer-space.”
The other two ask, “What? Outer-space?”. The American says, “Not exactly, bu
18.
… when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”This time the Bearded One seemed momen
… when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, “PeanutsPopcornCracker Jack.”This time the Bearded One seemed momen
19.
After settling in, she decides to message her friend.“Kate,” she wrote, “I finally moved out of that dingy old office and into a beautiful new one.”Happy to hear this news, Kate orders a bouquet of flowers to send to Jenny's new location.The next day, a b
After settling in, she decides to message her friend.“Kate,” she wrote, “I finally moved out of that dingy old office and into a beautiful new one.”Happy to hear this news, Kate orders a bouquet of flowers to send to Jenny's new location.The next day, a b
20.
The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little bookThey turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush.They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked.They call the police and as they wait, they dec
The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little bookThey turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush.They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked.They call the police and as they wait, they dec
21.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
22.
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
23.
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
24.
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
25.
Woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?Y
Woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?Y
26.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
27.
… with two large bags over his shoulders.The guard stops him and says, “What's in the bags?”“Sand,” answered Juan.The guard says, “We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.”The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds n
… with two large bags over his shoulders.The guard stops him and says, “What's in the bags?”“Sand,” answered Juan.The guard says, “We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.”The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds n
28.
Ray and Bob, two Government maintenance guys, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.“We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole”, said Bob, “But we don't have a ladder.”The woman said,
Ray and Bob, two Government maintenance guys, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.“We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole”, said Bob, “But we don't have a ladder.”The woman said,
29.
There was a woman who had a dog that snored.
She called her vet to find out if there was anything that would stop the snoring.
The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles.
So, she went to her sewing basket, found a length o
There was a woman who had a dog that snored.
She called her vet to find out if there was anything that would stop the snoring.
The vet suggested that she tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles.
So, she went to her sewing basket, found a length o
30.
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years.
Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.
” The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and ha
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years.
Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.
” The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and ha
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