1.
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
2.
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, C
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, C
3.
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said,
“I
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said,
“I
4.
It was a few days before Valentine’s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day! What do you think it means?” Her husband smiled.
It was a few days before Valentine’s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day! What do you think it means?” Her husband smiled.
5.
Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.
They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.
Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first h
Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.
They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.
Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first h
6.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheepIt was fascinating.”The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheepIt was fascinating.”The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
7.
The Devil invites Mike Tyson to hell one day to enjoy himself.He had guests over and he thought they'd like reveling over a background where a person goes around knocking over the residents of hell down.They apparently did not seem to enjoy themselves ove
The Devil invites Mike Tyson to hell one day to enjoy himself.He had guests over and he thought they'd like reveling over a background where a person goes around knocking over the residents of hell down.They apparently did not seem to enjoy themselves ove
8.
A woman runs into a doctor's office and says,“Doctor! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”The doctor replies, “Show me.”So the woman pokes her ankle and screams in pain.She pokes her knee and yells again.She pokes her forehead and
A woman runs into a doctor's office and says,“Doctor! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”The doctor replies, “Show me.”So the woman pokes her ankle and screams in pain.She pokes her knee and yells again.She pokes her forehead and
9.
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
10.
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and th
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and th
11.
So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.“MUM,” the boy yells at the top of his voice, “I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PISS!”Well, needless to say, the mother is mortified at her son's lan
So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.“MUM,” the boy yells at the top of his voice, “I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PISS!”Well, needless to say, the mother is mortified at her son's lan
12.
Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!” Reporter: “Name?” Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “S*x?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Re
Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!” Reporter: “Name?” Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “S*x?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Re
13.
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon.When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon.When the school-teacher chided
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon.When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon.When the school-teacher chided
14.
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c
15.
Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York.About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New Yor
Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York.About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New Yor
16.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.True to his word, he made the first contact:“Delora… Delora…”“Is that you, Darling?”“Yes, I've come back like we agreed.”“That's wonder
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.True to his word, he made the first contact:“Delora… Delora…”“Is that you, Darling?”“Yes, I've come back like we agreed.”“That's wonder
17.
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven’t bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says “I just don’t understand it.
Why aren’t we getting any duck
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven’t bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says “I just don’t understand it.
Why aren’t we getting any duck
18.
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
19.
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the 1940s,She read an adver
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the 1940s,She read an adver
20.
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” He asked his mother.“He thinks a lot” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” He asked his mother.“He thinks a lot” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to
21.
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
22.
A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle.
He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out.
The genie says that he will grant him one wish.
“Well, I’d like to go to Hawaii.
But, I’m afraid of flying and I don’t like the idea of goi
A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle.
He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out.
The genie says that he will grant him one wish.
“Well, I’d like to go to Hawaii.
But, I’m afraid of flying and I don’t like the idea of goi
23.
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.Finally his
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.Finally his
24.
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His fat
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His fat
25.
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.However, the customer notices that something is wrong.So he calls the waiter over.“Can you please taste the soup?”“What's wrong with the soup?”“Just taste it.”“Why?”“Just taste it.”“Sir, I–““Just taste it.”
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.However, the customer notices that something is wrong.So he calls the waiter over.“Can you please taste the soup?”“What's wrong with the soup?”“Just taste it.”“Why?”“Just taste it.”“Sir, I–““Just taste it.”
26.
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.The doctor says:“Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up.Take the b
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.The doctor says:“Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up.Take the b
27.
The teacher asked all the students to write an essay on the subject My Pet.
The next day she started checking the homework of everyone.
After checking Little Johnny’s essay teacher asked him,
“Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as y
The teacher asked all the students to write an essay on the subject My Pet.
The next day she started checking the homework of everyone.
After checking Little Johnny’s essay teacher asked him,
“Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as y
28.
A woman consulted a divorce attorney to discuss her marriage annulment on account of her husband’s irrational attitudes.
After being married to her husband for years, a woman decided to call it quits as she was fed up of enduring his constant sexual de
A woman consulted a divorce attorney to discuss her marriage annulment on account of her husband’s irrational attitudes.
After being married to her husband for years, a woman decided to call it quits as she was fed up of enduring his constant sexual de
29.
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
30.
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
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