1.
… and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of
… and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of
2.
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.“What happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.“What happened!! I'll tell you what happenedI sent an email to my wife telling her
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.“What happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.“What happened!! I'll tell you what happenedI sent an email to my wife telling her
3.
Two men were marooned on an Island.One man pased back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself.The first man said to the second man, “arn't you afraid we are about to die.”“No,” said the second man, “for you see I
Two men were marooned on an Island.One man pased back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself.The first man said to the second man, “arn't you afraid we are about to die.”“No,” said the second man, “for you see I
4.
However, his route takes him past a particular corner on which a prostitute is always standing, offering her services.He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.“One hundred and fifty pounds!” she'd shout.“No, f
However, his route takes him past a particular corner on which a prostitute is always standing, offering her services.He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.“One hundred and fifty pounds!” she'd shout.“No, f
5.
Paddy's friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance.Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broke.'Operator: ‘What's your location sir?'Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street …'O
Paddy's friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance.Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broke.'Operator: ‘What's your location sir?'Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street …'O
6.
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician.
He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian.
Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician.
He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian.
Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a
7.
A little boy was in a relative's weddingAs he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roarSo it wen
A little boy was in a relative's weddingAs he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roarSo it wen
8.
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
9.
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
10.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girlsI told Jerry that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the Bacardis went down way too easily.Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for homeJust as I got in the doo
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girlsI told Jerry that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the Bacardis went down way too easily.Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for homeJust as I got in the doo
11.
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon.When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon.When the school-teacher chided
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon.When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon.When the school-teacher chided
12.
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
13.
Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says “Where the hell have you been?”
Larry replies “I was out getting a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned.
“What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“
Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says “Where the hell have you been?”
Larry replies “I was out getting a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned.
“What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“
14.
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven’t bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says “I just don’t understand it.
Why aren’t we getting any duck
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven’t bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says “I just don’t understand it.
Why aren’t we getting any duck
15.
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.
However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and forcefully drags him into his office. The zookeeper then explains to the m
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.
However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and forcefully drags him into his office. The zookeeper then explains to the m
16.
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
17.
An older lady was doing some household chores on a beautiful Sunday morning, when she suddenly heard the doorbell ring.She opened the door to see a well dressed man standing there who said, “Hello, I'm a Jehovah's Witness, do you have a moment to discuss
An older lady was doing some household chores on a beautiful Sunday morning, when she suddenly heard the doorbell ring.She opened the door to see a well dressed man standing there who said, “Hello, I'm a Jehovah's Witness, do you have a moment to discuss
18.
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
19.
A man passed a shop, where he saw a sign, “Magic Vulture for Sale”.
Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.
The salesman replied, “This vulture has special powers.
Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier
A man passed a shop, where he saw a sign, “Magic Vulture for Sale”.
Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.
The salesman replied, “This vulture has special powers.
Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier
20.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
21.
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
22.
The friendly usher at the country church greeted the elderly woman visitor at the door and helped her up the steps.“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.“The front row, please,” she answered.“You really don't want to do that,” the usher said“Th
The friendly usher at the country church greeted the elderly woman visitor at the door and helped her up the steps.“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.“The front row, please,” she answered.“You really don't want to do that,” the usher said“Th
23.
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
24.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo
25.
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money After many lengthy discussion
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money After many lengthy discussion
26.
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it every time.
My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him “If you pick
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it every time.
My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him “If you pick
27.
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
28.
A high school recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of the girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
A high school recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of the girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
29.
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife cant hear him.How bad is it? the doctor asks.I have no idea, the husband says.Well, please test herStand 20 feet away from her and say something.If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thin
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife cant hear him.How bad is it? the doctor asks.I have no idea, the husband says.Well, please test herStand 20 feet away from her and say something.If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thin
30.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
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